So confused...

I am so confused right now! My head is spinning out of control. I feel like I'm not myself these days and it's kinda scary. Everything I do feels wrong and everything seems to set me off whether its crying or getting angry. And of course I retract at that point and hide away in my bubble! I'm trying so hard to be the best wife, mom, and friend! I guess I just wish I could do everything perfectly but I can't. and I'll have to come to terms with that. No the house isn't always clean and I know I really could do better in that department but with kids running around and just being mentally drained I physically can't. I'm not in the right mind state. So with all the drama(which I don't wanna get into right now) this past week and pretty much losing my best friend I think I'm ready for a change. It's hard when your so close with someone for so long and things are gone in an instant. Yes we still put on a brave face and smile but we both know it will never be the same. yes I'm sad and yes I'm devistated but what more can I do! So with all that bein said I think we might move back to Texas. It's not definate yet because there are so many things that need to happen first. Have to find Jonathan a job! That's first and foremost! So yea. I'm just scared to once again not only pick up my life but my kids lives, the only one they have ever known & move cross country. The only thing I think keeping me here was my parent and manda but in the end I need to grow up and start thinkin like an adult. We would be much happier there. All of our family and most of our friends are there! It's not like we're moving somewhere we don't know anyone! I just don't know. Like I said my mind is racing as you probably can tell and I am just going to shut up now! Good night!