Nervous wreck!

So i finally called and scheduled an appointment at a local family doctor. They said they can fit me in today and my stomach is in knots....partially because the nausea is killing me! But also because we'll hopefully figure out what is making my body go crazy. I'm scared to think i'll be pregnant again because i know that we decided we didn't want anymore kids. In fact just this morning jonathan had his vasectomy consultation!!! But if we are then i guess its gods way of giving us one more before he got it done and its meant to be. I wanna cry because i'm so torn & i feel like a horrible mom if i say i don't wanna be pregnant but i'm not a happy pregnant person! I can remember at least a hundred times being pregnant with covington saying i will NEVER do this again! But when i got the negative results the other day from the pregnancy test i'm not going to lie part of me was disappointed for some odd reason. How can i not want anymore kids but be so heartbroken to see a negative result. Maybe because i do have all the symptoms and also am 12 days late. UGH!! I hate this..hopefully i'll have some clarity in a few hours.....I'll keep ya posted! XOXO ♥